Copyright 2006 Annette Bridges
Do you have dreams that have never been realized? Do you feel like it's too late to act on them? Well….maybe it's not!
Since my childhood, I aspired to be a published author. I've always loved to write. Keeping a journal was a passion that began when I was nine years old. But many years passed without my dream coming true.
You might be thinking, why would anyone (besides my family and close friends) want to know anything about me and my dreams?
March being National Women's History Month compels me to write not so much about me and my dreams but about a woman whose life example is encouraging me to pursue my dreams. Even now, as I approach the half century mark. An empty nester wondering what's next for my life besides becoming a grandmother some day.
The pursuit of dreams, for women and men alike, has long been a powerful force in restoring hope in the face of impossible odds. Its power often comes when we consider that "impossible odds" might sometimes be self-imposed. Such as self-imposed "odds" that make us sigh with dismay: "too old" or "too late." But to impossible odds, the dreamer and visionary will always say, "Not so!"
I first learned of Mary Baker Eddy as an American author of a book that explained groundbreaking ideas about spirituality and health. Ideas that are more at home in the 21st-century than in her own 19th-century world, in fact. She openly challenged the conventional thinking in theology, medicine and science of her times. So she was often the target of criticism and slander. Consequently, I've found that some historic records still don't tell all the facts of her life correctly.
David Hufford wrote in his book, Eddy: Current Running against the Mainstream, "In the late 1800s, there were very few women in medical schools, in seminaries, or in universities. Mrs. Eddy and a handful of other women upset centuries of tradition when they began to speak and write about religious and medical issues…and to talk openly about the equality of men and women."
There is much to learn from the lives of others. So how important it is for his-stories and her-stories to be accurately told.
What inspires me now at this time in my life is Mary Baker Eddy was 54 years old when her renowned book, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, was first published. And top that with she was 87 years old when she launched The Christian Science Monitor, as a balanced and ethical alternative to the sensational journalism of her day. A paper that remains a leading international newspaper today, I might add.
Such accomplishments, and there were many others, by a woman during her middle age and senior years, gives me inspiration to imagine the possibilities for my dreams today.
Eddy's life story is testament to the fact that it's never too late to pursue dreams. Her own words give some insight into how dreams can be accomplished. "The devotion of thought to an honest achievement makes the achievement possible." Mary Baker Eddy's life and accomplishments proved this for us all. (www.marybakereddylibrary.org)
History is filled with accounts of many great men and women who have fulfilled their dreams. Mary Baker Eddy describes their lives as "miracles of patience and perseverance." And like them and like her, we've all got it in us.
Still feel like it's too late to pursue your dreams?
Well…maybe it's not!

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Annette Bridges is a freelance writer and lives in Tioga, Texas with her husband, John. Her B.A. degree is in Sociology with graduate studies in Early Childhood Education. Her goal is to offer a positive message and healing ideas in response to news, current events, seasons and life's occasions. To read more columns and for contact information, visit http://www.annettebridges.com


A Dialogue on Freedom
A – Throughout history men and women have fought and given their lives for that precious commodity we call freedom. But what is freedom? The ability to do whatever you want?
B – Well, within reason, I suppose.
A – Whose reason? Yours, mine, the government's? Let's check the dictionary. What does Mr. Webster say?
B – "The absence of necessity, coercion or constraint in choice or action."
A – Hum, interesting. The absence of necessity. So you're free if you have everything you need? You know, the basics, food, shelter, clothes. The absence of coercion. No one is forcing or pressuring you into anything. That means you're free to choose what to do. But then the picture gets broader…the absence of constraint in choice or action. You can choose to do anything you want. There are no limitations on your choices. Sounds like we're back to defining freedom as the ability to do whatever you want.
B – No, that won't work. That kind of freedom can only happen in a lawless society and would result in chaos.
A – Really? If freedom is the ability to do whatever you want, then doesn't it depend on what you want? If you want the right things, things that fall within the law and general acceptance of society, then you are free to choose whatever you want.
B – That's hogwash babble. What if my wants aren't the right things?
A – Then you should change them.
B – Oh, I should change them…just like that. It's not that simple to change your wants.
A – Sure it is. There's really only one decision you have to make to make all your wants be the right wants. But let's go back to the first part of Webster's definition – the absence of necessity. Consider those necessities not just as material things. What about the necessity to feel loved and important? Most people are insecure to a degree and are motivated in their choices by those two needs. But if they have someone smarter and better than them that they could always count on to look out for them, they would feel more secure, right?
B – Maybe, but where are you gonna find a person like that? He or she would have to love you unconditionally and know everything!
A – That's right.
B – The only…person that fits that description is…God.
A – Right again. You see freedom is about being free within yourself to make the right choices about what's going to be best for your individual life; for you to have the best life you can possibly have; one where you're secure, happy, and fulfilled. Freedom is really a state of mind then, or should I say a state of heart.


Counseling for Shopping Addiction
Counseling looks at the specific problem of shopping addiction and creates an action plan to stop the behavior. Targeted counseling for this problem alters the negative actions of the behavior and concurrently works toward healing the underlying emotions, although less emphasis is placed on exploring the emotional significance of the compulsive act than in traditional individual psychotherapy. Counselors who work with shopaholics often refer their clients to traditional psychotherapists when the severity of the related emotional issues goes beyond the expertise of the counselor. With certain clients, the combination of counseling, psychotherapy, and/or Debtors Anonymous goes several steps beyond the work of any one of these methods alone.
Karen McCall of California and Ron Gallen of New York are two counselors with significant expertise in this area: both of have written about it and both train counselors and therapists to do this type of work. McCall has published the Money Minder: Financial Recovery Workbook (2002), an approach for clients to achieve financial success; Gallen elucidates his method in The Money Trap: A Practical Program to Stop Self-Defeating Financial Habits So You Can Reclaim Your Grip on Life (2002). The major premise of counseling for shopaholics is the idea that insight alone will not stop the behavior. All stages in the shopping addiction cycle must be identified—the triggers, the feelings, the dysfunctional thoughts, the behavior, the consequences of the behavior, and the meaning of the shopping addiction. The client needs to learn how to work with each stage in the cycle so that he or she gains more control of the problem. In this sense, counseling for shopaholics is similar to counseling for alcohol and drug abuse. However, recovery from a shopping addiction is different and, in some ways more complicated: with alcohol and drugs, abstinence is the treatment goal, but it is impossible to abstain from buying, from using money.
Counseling for shopaholics sets out to address the entire scope of the problem. It helps the client answer such questions as these:
How and when did the shopping addiction begin?
What form does it take? Is it shopping on the Internet, from catalogues, on TV, in stores? Is it done on holidays? When buying gifts? In the service of a "collection"?
What emotions underlie the shopping addiction? (Boredom? Loneliness? Anger? Anxiety?)
Is it a means to self-soothe?
Is it done to try to enhance self-esteem or feel more socially desirable?
Do you shop to enliven yourself because of an internal feeling of deadness?
Is it a response to a change in another addictive behavior?
The possibilities are endless, because each person's story is different. The central question, however—and the one that shopping addiction counselors are in a unique position to address—is always the same: what can be done to end the shopping addiction? The counseling process has as its goal to break the cycle of the shopping addiction and to create a workable financial structure, one that will enhance, rather than erode, a client's quality of life. In order to do this, some of the underlying emotional turmoil must be dealt with, from both historical and current perspectives. There are multiple stages in recovery from shopping addiction, and counseling also has to proceed in a step-wise fashion. Admitting where you stand is the key to recovery. Before any change can occur, the shopaholic must take a long, hard look at his current situation; as with any addiction, denial is almost endemic. What I've found useful is to ask my clients to record all of their expenses for a one-month period, whether a fifty-cent tip on a cab ride or a $500 insurance premium. This provides us with some baseline spending data. Once shopaholics have a sense of where their money is going, the next step is to create a spending plan.
An important part of creating and using a spending plan is the distinction between needs and wants. Both are personally determined, but the two occupy different ends of the budgeting continuum. A multi-million dollar mansion and a modest bungalow both fulfill the requirement for shelter. Yet a shopaholic may consider the impressiveness of her home before considering financial reality, while most others would reverse these priorities. "Finances before features" must be the mantra of fiscal responsibility; as long as that's maintained, there's no shame in owning a lavish home.
Debt and savings are both needs and cannot be neglected in a spending plan. Your clients may be tempted to pay off as much debt as possible, at the cost of other needs, or perhaps to ignore savings altogether. This is not a balanced solution. To make sure that debt and savings are accounted for, both should be included in the spending plan; a balanced approach to financial recovery is the basis of shopping addiction counseling. Individuals may become frustrated that their debt will not be paid off immediately, but debt repayment is only one aspect of a new financial framework and a more balanced life. While there is an abundance—even an overabundance—of programs for credit counseling, debt consolidation, and repayment, these will not really help a shopaholic. Quick fix debt resolution may get your client out of an individual jam, but it doesn't address the whole person, the issues and patterns that got them indebted. Only a holistic approach can reduce the likelihood of recurrence.
As the shopping addiction cycle is being broken, the emotions underlying it must be addressed. The underlying pain may result from a variety of conflicting emotions—loss, for example, or anger, jealousy, insecurity. Developmental issues in the family are often relevant. Everyone, after all, is influenced by the way his family handled money. Was it used to assert power? Was it taboo as a subject? Was it used to punish? Exploring the emotional side of the issue can be done within shopping addiction counseling or in traditional therapy. However it is accomplished, the integration of the emotional and behavioral sides is the comprehensive solution needed for lasting recovery.
Shopping addiction counseling is perhaps the most comprehensive approach to treatment, teaming specific behavior-changing techniques with careful attention to the precipitating emotions. It works best in combination with individual psychotherapy or couples or group therapy, as well as participation in Debtors Anonymous. Although not in large numbers, there are now practitioners throughout the country doing this type of work.
About The Author:
April Lane Benson, Ph.D. is a nationally known psychologist who specializes in the treatment of compulsive buying disorder. To receive her 3 Proven Strategies for Stopping Overshopping, visit http://www.stoppingovershopping.com.